Out of the Dust

“Take me back to the day I saw You

Through the eyes of my first child

You let my heart see how much You love me

The Father’s arms will always take me back”

I don’t deserve to be a mom. I don’t deserve to have such a wonderful husband. I don’t deserve to have a job that I am so passionate about.

But God shows His grace for me every day. I always get to thinking how undeserving I am to have Zoe. There are so many who want a child, so many who “deserve” a child, people who are better than me, nicer, more talented, people who do things like get up early without complaining, people who have it more together.

So how did I get such a huge blessing? And I do mean huge. Zoe has changed me. That little girl made me a momma, she changed my entire life. She made me kinda like mornings sometimes. But how did I possibly manage to be blessed by God?

Because He makes all things beautiful. I am a broken person. I’ve been more broken than I am now but I will always be a little broken. I heard a podcast today where a woman said she has learned how to “struggle well” and I thought that perfectly describes me.

Struggling well.

I mean at least that’s a step up from where I was a few years ago, struggling…not so well. The crazy thing is God has really had a hold of me my entire life. I’ve always known Him, even though some areas of my timeline may not reflect that so well. But every single time I strayed He brought me back, just like the first time. He welcomed me back and showed me He still had plans for me. He still had good for me no matter how much I tried to RUIN myself.

We don’t even realize we do it to ourselves sometimes. We get in our own way, ruining all the good God is trying to give us. And then if you’re like me you get so disappointed in yourself that you then begin a downward spiral. <—- used to. Not anymore.

I keep listening to that song “Reckless Love” and I cry just about every time I listen to it because it is so reckless. We’re like the bad boyfriend our parents tell us to stay away from. Taking God for granted, abusing His kindness, trampling on His promises. Yet he takes us back every time. He finds us in our darkest times, His love stretches out over the space we put between ourselves and Him. I have this image in my head of me running around aimlessly, tripping, falling and Him catching me.

So when I get to thinking wow, you’re the most undeserving person to have any of these blessings. I realize I don’t deserve it. But thankfully we don’t serve a God that blesses based on deserving. Our God offers beauty and redemption for every single person. Because He loves us, even when we’re not doing so hot.

Taking it back to that first quote,

“Take me back to the day I saw You

Through the eyes of my first child

You let my heart see how much You love me

The Father’s arms will always take me back”

This is from Meredith Andrew’s song “Take Me Back” —-go listen to it ASAP.

I BAWLED the first time I heard this because of this line. When I had my daughter and looked at her and saw those tiny, perfect blue eyes staring back at me. I swear I saw God looking back through those eyes. Like He was trying to show me how much He loves me, how He still had so much beauty in my life to give me. I haven’t messed up too bad for Him to make it beautiful.

None of you have. You can’t ever do anything so bad or run so far that God isn’t right behind you with so much to offer. There’s no one He doesn’t want. So when you feel so lost, so empty, like who could ever want you, who could ever love you, because you’ve messed up so bad that you don’t deserve beauty. You’re wrong.

I invite you into this prayer with me tonight, it’s something I’m praying truly for the first time but I feel like so many of us need this.

” Dear God,

 

Please help me accept the love you have for me. Please save me from my self-destructing thoughts and actions. Don’t let me believe the lies anymore.

 

I ask you to come into my life in new ways. I invite you into every part of my life. Show me the abundant love and mercy you have for me. Allow me to see myself as you see me. Lead me into the life you have for me. Don’t let me turn away from you. For you are the God of mercy and I know you are never done with me.

 

Amen. “

If anyone ever wants to talk or would like for me to be in prayer for them. I would be absolutely thrilled to do so.

Peace be with you,

Katelyn

3 thoughts on “Out of the Dust

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